What immediately comes to your mind when you read this quote? Yes, it’s true or No, it’s a bunch of bull? Can self-awareness really be found when we get irritated at others?
For myself, I was offended!!!! I was. I used to think Carl Jung was insane because how dare he claim to know me. He sure as hell didn’t know who I was dealing with in my life so what made him the expert? This was the old me. The me that resented being told who I was and how I was supposed to act. The old me that was always on the defensive about everything. The old me that had all the answers, or so I thought. Well, I’ve changed.
Today, this quote rings so true it hurts. As a Life Coach, I have come to understand that the reason other people irritate us is because they are a reflection of what we don’t like about ourselves. True story! Those who irritated me in the past were self-righteous, sad, depressed, seeking attention, defensive and so forth. Everything I was but didn’t want to admit. It was a hard lesson to learn but I’m glad I did. Because today, I am such a different person. Calmer, more relaxed, taking everything as it is, never taking things the wrong way….in an almost Zen sort of mentality. Nothing really ruffles my feathers anymore.
How did I do that? Well, I took this quote to heart and asked the following questions of myself every time someone got under my skin or I had a quick, negative, defensive response to. The overall result was a better understanding of my perception of what was going on in my life and the acceptance of what insecurities were still inside me.
Questions to ask yourself when you’re getting irritated or upset at someone else:
- Why am I feeling upset/irritated?
- What topic is making me feeling uncomfortable?
- Am I really upset with the person in front of me or is it their actions or words? (2 different things)
- Is there some truth in what they are saying/doing?
- Why am I so defensive?
- Did they strike a nerve I didn’t know I had?
Basically, you turn the attention on you instead of the other person. And remember, you don’t need rock solid answers to these questions. They are merely suggestions to get your subconscious to open up and reveal the unseen truth. Digging into your reaction to someone else’s words or actions will tell you so much about yourself even in one situation. Granted, you do have to be open enough and comfortable enough with yourself to want to do whatever it takes to feel peace in your heart. Getting upset or irritated at others can turn into a healthy response if you seek out and find the underlying reason behind them.
Of course, once you have your answers, take time to understand them and then do something about them. Trust in yourself to heal yourself gently and with compassion. If they’re too deep or emotional, seek out a therapist for assistance. If they’re ok and on the surface and you’d like help moving forward in your life, seek out a Life Coach. (I know a great one!) Knowing something is wrong is not bad at all, in fact it is the doorway to freedom. Freedom from anger, hurt, misunderstandings, and so forth. Wouldn’t that be worth having? 😀
Lesson 1: To be calm with others, we must be calm within ourselves.
Lesson 2: It is not about them, it is about you.
Discussion suggestion: Think of the most irritating person in your life and walk through these questions above in your mind. What did you learn about yourself? If you would be willing to share, I would love to hear if this exercise worked for you in the comments below.
Sincerely,
Coach Dina Blas
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© 2013 Dina Blas. Used with permission. Dina Blas is a Confidence Coach and Motivational Speaker in Dallas, Texas. Visit http://www.DinaBlas.com to learn more about her services and to request a free 30 minute phone consultation.
Dina Blas is an Inner Healing Coach, Reiki Master, and Meditation Teacher who helps her clients who have experienced childhood trauma break the toxic relationship cycle and rewrite their love story. Learn how to let go of your past and step into your power by contacting Dina today via her website www.DinaBlas.com or by email at Coach(at)DinaBlas.com.
I also believe it’s all about me 🙂 And how amazing – since I’ve changed, the people around have “magically” changed too!
Isobel,
How true that is! Sometimes the people around you change because they’re new people. 🙂 No one should be afraid of losing negative people. It’s a blessing that should be embraced. Thank you for stopping by.
Sincerely,
Dina
What we see in others as irritants most often reflects the weaknesses we see in ourselves. I’ve come to take my irritation as a signal — one that says, “Red flag! Look inward and see what you find there!” Thanks for the insight!
Kathy,
I agree. The outside world is a reflection of who we are on the inside. Hence why we need to work on ourselves first so our perception of the world and others will change as well. Thanks for commenting!
Blessings,
Dina
I agree. It’s so important to really know who you are. When you start with that foundation, the road to figuring out why something irritates you is a bit smoother.
Jacqueline,
Thanks so much for stopping by! And yes, a smoother road is always the preferred way to go.
Have a great day,
Dina