Ah, yes, the infamous truth that finds us no matter where we turn. Sometimes it’s expected but sometimes it’s like a slap in the face. For instance:
- You cheated on me?
- He’s not my son?
- You stole money from me?
- You never loved me?
Ok, so the examples are a bit extreme but these situations do happen. So what should you do when you hear a truth that catches you off guard?
First, give yourself permission to feel betrayed, angry or hurt about the truth you’ve just experienced. Don’t deny your first impulses when they arise. This is an automatic defense mechanism to protect yourself. Your brain will be searching for answers erratically so just let it. However, please do not resort to violence at any point. Nothing in this world should ever move you to this point. Nothing. If you feel like this, get support from someone close to you right away. Do not act on your “violent” impulse. Trust me, it’s not worth it.
Second, give yourself permission to try to understand what was said or done and why. Allow yourself to talk it through with the person in question or with a trusted friend or family member. Give yourself permission to heal at your own pace. After realizing an incredibly painful truth, allow yourself time to let the information and feelings sink in. There is no time limit or race when it comes to the acceptance of a truth. Each one of us reacts differently so there are no rules to break here. We live by our own rules so don’t let someone else’s expectation of you rush your process.
Third, give yourself permission to forgive that person (if needed-don’t kill the messenger) and yourself. This is such an important step and should not be skipped over. Forgiveness on any level will free you from holding onto any negative feelings and emotions you may want to hold on to. And remember, holding on to those bad feelings will only prolong the serenity that you need in your life. This step may take a while to get to but always keep it in mind. Your peace of mind depends on it.
I hope these steps will help you handle any future truth “bombs” you may encounter in your life. If you have any stories you’d like to share about truths you’ve encountered in your life and how you handled them, I’d love to hear them. Also, if you’d like to talk to me personally about a situation you’re dealing with right now, feel free to send me a message.
Love and Blessings,
Coach Dina Blas
You are welcome to reprint or share any articles written by Dina Blas as we offer our articles on a non-exclusive basis. However, the following information must be printed at the end of each article. If used on your website, the URLs must be linked to our site.
© 2013 Dina Blas. Used with permission. Dina Blas is a Confidence Coach and Motivational Speaker in Dallas, Texas. Visit http://www.DinaBlas.com to learn more about her services and to request a free 30 minute phone consultation.
Dina Blas is an Inner Healing and Confidence Coach who helps her clients who have experienced childhood trauma break the toxic relationship cycle and rewrite their story. Learn how to let go of your past and step into your power by contacting Dina today via her website www.DinaBlas.com or by joining her private community here: https://links.dinablas.com/Community
As hard as it is, there is no use for negative feelings. We need to deal with them and move on. We can learn from what has happened and use it to grow!
Diane,
Great points! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
Dina
Great advice. Don’t let the bitterness eat you up. It won’t hurt anyone but you.
Scott,
You’re so right. The only one who really suffers is the person who holds on to the negative feelings.
Take care,
Dina
Your post has some interesting tips. When the “bomb” you face is so gigantic that your whole life falls apart then the best way to deal with it is to seek help. Dropping by from UBC.
Suzy,
Thank you! Glad you stopped in. Seeking help is always key because sometimes we just need an objective ear to hear the facts.
Blessings,
Dina
I am able (almost) always to pause for 30 seconds before I react to anything. This is so important and has become a way of life for me that it puzzles me when someone is not able to do it.
I agree it’s important to acknowledge your feelings, negative or not, and move on. Life is too short to do otherwise 🙂
Delia,
I agree with you that life is too short. However, sometimes people are just not aware of how they react so therefore they are unable to recognize their negative behavior. Also, it could be just a “learned” response that comes with no filters. We all learn in our own time. 🙂
Blessings,
Dina
Time and Forgiveness are definately the Keys to peace.
Gin,
You’re so right. We just have to have the patience to find the peace. 🙂
Take care,
Dina